It is time to get angry…I am serious. Fuel is continuously added to my fire. I am angry that so many women are struggling with their self worth, and destroying their body, health and soul while they cope. I am not mad at the women, but I am mad at Satan for telling these lies over and over again. I still hear the lies whispered in my ear daily. When I eat a big meal, and people glance at me, Satan hisses, “They all think you are fat! You are so gross! Stop eating!” Do I let this voice dictate me anymore? No. I think anyone can overcome the temptations of any vice. It may be a battlefield, but we all must acknowledge that we are shielded under Christ victorious.
What does it mean to be shielded under Christ victorious? First of all, I definitely just made this phrase up, but it is very theologically sound. Think back to the passion, and the resurrection of Christ. It’s simple. Christ died for our sins, went down into hell to conquer Satan, and rose again so that he could ascend to heaven. He already showed the world that Satan was weak. You can even look at his mother Mary, who is the Immaculate Conception. She will crush the head of the serpent. Christ did win the battle against Satan for us, and now we have to actively fight temptation with Christ at our side to truly overcome Satan.
We can’t just be idle, and expect to beat Satan. I have found in my own experience that doing nothing to counter act any temptation, thought, or lie leads to a surrender of your own will. A better word might be submission. I submitted myself to the thoughts invading my head which led me to believe I wasn’t allowed to eat. Staying passive and not choosing to use my will to fight against the lies almost destroyed me. The more one lies to one’s self, the harder it becomes to recognize one’s own authority over one’s actions. The submission leads to such a disconnect with the ability to act on one’s free will.
I know that some may say that the person with an addiction is choosing to repeat the vice, but I argue that the journey to getting an addiction is not one would choose with full knowledge. One has to be in such an unhealthy state of mind to get to such a point. I would have never picked to have a full blown eating disorder if I knew it would be such a long struggle to over come it. It was a series of events that happened to me that I wasn’t in control of that made me think I wasn’t good enough. My whole life was reinforcement of this. I finally realized my worth as I developed a relationship with God. The funny thing is that I had my conversion, but developed an eating disorder anyway. I knew that God was loving and good, but I still had years of a negative thought process that would not go away.
I still have hope despite my history of addiction, because of the resurrection of Christ. I have hope in knowing that Christ has a place for me when I die to this world. I can still be united with Christ in the Eucharist, and the other sacraments. The more I learn about him from his Word, the more I understand and want to be with him. I want to pray to him every day, because our relationship is real. You too can have a relationship with Him, but you have to want it. As Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Christine Saah is a senior at Mount St. Mary's University who thinks a lot. She frequently blogs and enjoys all kinds of exercise, especially the kind to get outside and play. She can't hide her excitement and love for Christ. She hopes to use her psychology major and philosophy/theology minors to change the world one smile at a time! Read more of her writings at StrongandWeakParadox.wordpress.