In two weeks, I will be home for winter break, and have no more obligations to school until January. I have a two weeks notice. What is this madness? I can’t help but curse under my breath when I think about how angry I am about my senior research project for counting for so much. But does it really matter that much? I have to do well, but I don’t have to do perfectly. It’s so hard to let go of the perfectionism, but it’s almost necessary when life pressures are at their prime. I just cannot handle what I used to, and that’s okay. I’ve learned my limits, and it’s so hard to stop pressing forward so much. I also freak out thinking I have to be home for a whole month in a place that makes my skin crawl. Just being home for Thanksgiving makes me see how distant I have grown from my family. I am off doing my own things in this world, and it feels like they don’t see themselves fitting in the picture. That’s a scary thought thinking I have to navigate the world without them, but that’s all the more reason to look to my Holy.
Let’s go back to the question, what do I know of Holy? Let’s look to the Bible passage found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It’s the famous passage that most weddings use in which it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous, is not pompous, is not inflated. etc… ” I’m sure this passage is ringing some bells for you, but if not go look it up. I am sharing this passage, because if you replace the word Love with God I think I understand my Holy even more. God is love so of course he’d be described in the same way as love. Here’s how it goes when you replace the words:
“GOD is patient, GOD is kind. GOD is not jealous, GOD is not pompous, GOD is not inflated, GOD is not rude, GOD does not seek his own interests, GOD is not quick-tempered, GOD does not brood over injury, GOD does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. GOD bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. GOD never fails.”
How great is our God that he is so patient, kind, bears all things, and hopes all things. Most of all, God never fails! There’s so much to rejoice in the revelation of these truths. So yes, I feel like crap, and things seem bad, but they are not going to be like this forever. God’s love and goodness will prevail, and will always work through me if I let God into my heart.
I don’t think we can fully understand our Holy, but the lyrics of the song help me see how I don’t have to understand his ways. I just have to accept God my father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Spirit as three in one. My holy works in mysterious ways. What do I know of the wounds that will heal my shame? And a God who gave life it’s name? What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise? All creation knows your name on earth and heaven above. What do I know of this love? My Holy is real, present, and the truth. My Holy is love. He’s all I need. He’s all you need.