Sarah Swafford, founder of Emotional Virtue Ministries, wrote this popular talk on the dangers of mentally dating a man before we even get to know him...and she blames Taylor Swift for a bit of this. I heard Swafford give this talk at a FOCUS conference a few years back, and something just didn't sit right with me afterwards. I agree with the majority of this talk, but emotional chastity isn't something that needs to rule our hearts. I could be completely wrong, but I have to side with TSwift a bit: dreaming is beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with it until it takes over your heart and suddenly, you're wounded because you confused your dream with reality. This is where Swafford and I see eye-to-eye. Check out the excerpt below from, "Emotional Chastity: Love, Emotions, Taylor Swift, Mental Stalking and Mr. Right."
I am not an expert on emotional chastity. Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone is because there is next to nothing written specifically on the topic. I personally didn’t even know what emotional chastity was until I was in college here at Benedictine and some girlfriends and I started talking about it, and looking for answers.
I’ve been talking, surveying, thinking, praying, and wrestling with this idea of emotional chastity for years. This has all been an effort to nail down what it is, discuss what our biggest struggles are, and how can we deal with it as women of the 21st century?
I know how hard it is to not be completely obsessed with finding Mr. Right. It has a tendency to consume you. I’ve been there, but I’ve felt and seen the heartache of letting this hunt overtake you. All the emotions, frustrations, hopes, and disappointments can be overwhelming to say the least. Now, being a married woman, and having walked through that fire, I am on a personal mission to help figure this thing out!
I want to warn you that I hope you are not looking for the perfect person… he does not exist. You are not perfect and your spouse will not expect you to be. What you are looking for is the perfect person for you! I’ve made mistakes, I am not perfect. We all bear the battle wounds of “life”, but the worst thing you can do is say, “I didn’t start doing this whole chastity thing from the beginning, therefore, I am too far gone… I can’t start over.” You have to forgive yourself. Maybe it is second virginity you are looking for? You’ve fallen in a dark time and lost your virginity. Going to God for forgiveness and forgiving yourself is healing; you can have second virginity and make that commitment today to wait for your spouse. I have friends who have made this commitment, and it has changed their lives.
The full article can be found here.P.S> I am not embarrassed to say that I'm a die-hard Taylor Swift fan.