That Kind Of Woman



By Nicole Kurrasch

From the time of our terrible two’s we have learned to compare. ‘She got more’, ‘his is shinier’, ‘they got to go twice’. This same pattern has followed us throughout our lives, manifesting itself in other ways. We have learned to compare not just material things, but our intellect, beauty, goals, and even sufferings.

Unfortunately, the recurrence of comparison and coveting is predominantly evident in women (although it still exists in men). I would argue this is because women encapsulate beauty and so we fight for having more of it. I would also wager that if we are being honest with ourselves, we participate in it on a daily basis. How does this problem then, affect our spiritual relationship with Mary as women?

I have found that a lot of women, including myself, have had issues with Mary at some point in their life. If not, you are blessed and this article isn’t for you. But for those of us who have had problems, there is a deep underlying issue. For me I would categorize it as jealousy. You may be asking yourself “jealous of Mary?” Shocking concept, right? But Mary is the most perfect woman. Is it not true that we compare ourselves with other woman we think are more perfect than us? We can be assured that with Mary there is one hard, cold fact. She is more perfect than us and Christ may even love her a little more.

Mary is The Beloved. She is full of Grace. She is the best mother. She has the strongest heart. She is the most gentle, yet the most bold.

Oh to be such a woman!

Comparison is the thief of joy.
— Mother Teresa

Any resentment I held in my heart towards her was paralyzing my spirituality. In general, our culture of comparison hurts us as women because it inhibits us from participating in our feminine genius. Our role in the feminine is to share in each other and lift each other up, not compete. So how do we begin to share in this beauty?

I found that I needed to let go of the need to be perfect. In essence, let go of my pride.  Some of you might not have realized why there is this big brick wall sitting in between you and Mary. For the longest time I didn’t know why I had such hostility towards to her either. Maybe you will find that you have the same issue as me. I can honestly say it was a problem that I was out of touch with but was rooted deep in my heart. It was not until I went to Medjugore and prayed for the conversion of heart that I felt close to our Mother Mary.  It always felt like a competition for Jesus, like she was the awkward third wheel on our date. I never understood that we could walk together toward Him or that she would give me the VIP pass to get up close. So whatever that blockade may be between you and her, pray for the conversion of heart.

Most likely, our problem of comparison won’t be an easy fix because it stems from the wounds of our heart and probably our youth. The wounds when we first felt we weren’t good enough or pretty enough or seen or loved. The majority of us already know Christ’s love for us, yet we still seem to perversely apply the same earthly logic to our relationship with Him. Christ doesn’t think the same way these foolish men do. With Him, we do not need to prove our beauty or strive for perfection in all aspects, but instead we can just ‘be’. So do not get territorial or jealous over Christ’s love for Mary, but share in it.  Share and rejoice in her perfection. Share and feel cherished in her beauty.  You may even find that if you grow in a stronger spiritual relationship with her, that nasty habit of comparing will slip away because you will feel more precious and loved. I hope one day, the comparing culture that lies within women will radically change.  Imagine women lifting each other up above the clouds; we would surely enter in another sphere of feminine beauty.

In creating woman, God triggers that great aspiration for beauty which will become the subject of man’s creativity, art, and much else.
— Pope John Paul II