By Anna Laughery
"Why do I need You?"
It’s such a harsh question, but nonetheless a question I've asked God many times. Why do I need this supernatural, distant, often unresponsive being? Why do I need someone when I can figure life out on my own? Day after day I’ve tried to do just that. I’ve tried vainly to build my cookie cutter, perfect little life. But my life never turned out as seen on TV. I never matched, never quite fit in. Nothing about my life ever fit the mold I saw around me. I didn't seem to fit the mold. And so I continued to ask the same questions until it finally hit me. I can't figure it out on my own. I will never fit the mold because I am not made to fill in someone else's shape. But what was I made for?
Before we go any further, we need to overcome one deceivingly simple lie: the words "I'm fine." This phrase, said countless times a day, is the most harmful white lie we can tell. After spending years being a young woman, and being around young women, I've learned we are not as fine as we pretend to be. Our hearts are broken, our families are broken and our lives are broken. We live in a society where nothing we do is ever enough. We live in a society of comparison. Our lives are hard.
We have wounds.
We have broken pieces.
We have insecurities.
We have fears.
We have doubts.
We are not okay.
But according to society, it's only acceptable to be 'fine.' We fill Instagram with pictures of our 'fine' life and we fill Snapchat with our 'fine' adventures with our 'fine' friends. We wear masks, whether made of makeup, social media accounts or sarcasm. We put one face forward, when in reality we are drowning, longing for better than just 'fine', longing for greatness and longing for love.
It was when I realized that I wasn't fine that I found the answer to the question "Why do I need You?". I need Him because I'm starving for true adventure, for real love and a life lived to the full. It may sound cliche, but I found my fulfillment. My fulfillment wasn't in the stuff I had been striving after. It wasn't in the likes, the trophies, the compliments and the wins. It was in knowing I am not alone. It was in knowing that though I'm not fine and, though I'm an imperfect human, there is a God, a perfect, beautiful and forgiving God, who will love me anyways. I found my fulfillment not in turning my eyes inwards towards perfecting my life, but turning my eyes outwards towards my Creator.
But I'm not going to lie and say I'm not still terrified to show my imperfections to the world. Sometimes I put on a tough face and hide my tears when they threaten to spill over. I sometimes answer "I'm fine" when I don't feel like cracking open my heart to show the wounds inside. I sometimes wear a mask. But I do now realize that it is okay to not be okay. And part of not being okay is acknowledging when we fail. Because we are one of the lost sheep, but the Shepherd always brings us back when we wander. So be happy with not being okay.
We are made for more than just fine. We are made to have life abundantly. So what is holding you back?
Let Him show you. In the quiet, read John 10:10-17 and imagine yourself as one of His sheep and let Him lead you back to His heart.