Love of my life, look deep in my eyes. There you will find what you need. I’m the giver of life. I’ll clothe you in white. My immaculate bride you will be. Oh, come running home to me.
-'Beloved,' Tenth Avenue North
To be in love or not to be in love? That is the question. Now, I am not saying choose to have a boyfriend or choose to be single. I am asking the question do you want to love someone who loves you more than you can ever imagine? Do you want someone who always wants you in His life? For me, the answer is YES. I want to be loved by someone willing to look me deep in my eyes, realize what I need, give me life, and make me pure. I don’t even need a boyfriend to have this. I just have to practice my faith, pray to God daily, and participate in the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. This is all easier said than done. I honestly think it is harder for me to receive love, than to give it.
Love is something we all want, but it scares us even if we will never admit it. Love means to let someone into the depths of your heart, and to have every part of you revealed. This revealing doesn’t happen without pain, but it is the only way to see the full effects of love. Love takes all the ugly in your life, and makes something beautiful happen. It doesn’t change what has happened, and it doesn’t remove the scars, but it makes you stronger than you believed you could be. The damage done to my heart over the years made me scared to be loved, yet I was scared of being alone. I was caught inbetween a mix of emotions.
I read a bunch of journal entries from my freshman seminar class, and basically could see the process of my conversion to the faith. I saw that it interested me and was exciting. I also was confused, angry, and sad at times. I was too scared to trust God, but I was constantly reminded of his presence in my life. I would mess up a lot though, and would try to avoid those who supported me when I knew I drank underage the weekend before or hooked up with someone at a party. FOCUS missionaries and other inspirational people I looked up to would check in on me though, and they literally never gave up on me. They taught me that God doesn’t give up on anyone, and that means that we can’t give up on each other.
Love has a way of sliding into our lives, even if we think we aren’t worthy of it.
If every woman could even find the smallest hint of love in her daily life I know she would fall more in love with God, because God is love. Where there is love God is there.
As we fall in love with God, we are better able to do what God asks of us. God doesn’t make us do anything, because he loves us. He doesn’t force love, but he does want us to know love. We just have to let love in. I found myself in North Dakota the past 3 months despite my initial resistance to returning. I was so frustrated, because I knew that God was telling me to go repeatedly. I wanted to be able to say Yes to God, but I also had this idea that it had to be something I knew for certain too. I finally let down my defenses, let love in, and said Yes. I don’t regret my decisions, and have once again been truly inspired to continue to build up the Church.
My Beloved only wants what is best for me, and all of you reading this. It may seem like things are too tough, stressful, strict, etc… but if you ask God to help you love Him more you will receive help. Ask and you shall receive, as long as it’s something God wants for you. He gives us all that we need, and when we don’t get something it is oftentimes because we don’t need it or because He has something better in mind. You’ll be okay though. Love is so worth it.
This article was originally published at StrongandWeakParadox.