Cultivating A Garden of Growth: An Analogy For Suffering
By Leah Eppen,
“On that day, the branch of the Lord will be beauty and glory, and the fruit of the land will be honor and splendor for the survivors of Israel” (Isaiah 4:2).
This verse in Isaiah has always spoken to me in the springtime. How badly I want to be a branch of the Lord and be fruitful. In the winter, it’s so easy to forget or despair that you’ll never feel the warmth of the sun again. Some people thrive in the winter, but my Canadian winters always seem to take a piece of hope and bury it under four feet of snow and bitter mountain wind for five months of the year. I admit, I haven’t yet learned what it means to be the Lord’s fruitful branch in the wintertime. But making it across the finish line from winter into spring brings my favourite time of year closer: gardening season!
Our suffering may seem to feel heavier in the winter, but springtime gardening can teach us something important about our suffering, no matter the weather.
Gardens are a popular and apt analogy for the spiritual life. St. Catherine of Siena once said, “Ponder the fact that God has made you a gardener, to root out vice and plant virtue.” This inner garden that saints reference is often thought to be the soul. It seems to me that healing feels a lot like moving forward and can often be characterized by growth. We are gardeners, given responsibility over the gardens of our souls. We have a hand in our own fruitfulness because of the gift of free will. Despite this ability, suffering can often seem like a cumbersome block in our efforts to grow.
As a quick note of clarification, when I refer to suffering here I am speaking broadly of any suffering––be it physical, spiritual, psychological, or emotional––that you have experienced or will undergo.
Our culture often approaches suffering with resentment, grumbling, and an attitude of, “Why me?” It’s actually a completely natural response to pain and suffering to want to shy away and resist. If you accidentally touch a hot stovetop, you’re going to flinch away immediately. So it is with emotional, mental, and spiritual suffering too––you may flinch, avoid, or even run full-speed in the opposite direction!
Self-pity and resentment about our suffering are often feelings that rise up, unbidden, within us; however, indulging in these attitudes gives them the power to choke any growth in our souls we may be able to foster. When we invite these attitudes to settle within us, whatever we are suffering may begin to feel heavier and heavier. But, avoidance of suffering doesn’t get us anywhere in terms of growth.
The distinction between natural feelings rising within us versus indulging and entertaining them is important because it indicates that we, through our free will, have some power over our reception and management of our suffering(s).
An Analogy For Suffering
My family origins are deeply rooted in farming of all kinds. My grandfather was (and still is, at the ripe old age of 89) a phenomenal gardener. When I was little, I never understood the thrill of growing things but, now that I’m older, I have a new-found love for plants and gardening that I swore I’d never have. I get it now. There’s something magical and captivating about planting a seed and knowing that seed is going to get bigger and grow to either provide food or beauty for my life.
But there’s an important ingredient in the process of growing things that is often overlooked and underappreciated––the role of fertilizer. Specifically for the sake of this analogy, we’re speaking of compost manure in vegetable gardening. Most avid gardeners have a love-hate relationship with compost manure. It smells and some might find it unpleasant to handle (even with gloves!), but they know it provides an abundance of nutrients to the garden’s soil that in turn boosts plants to grow intensely and fruitfully. There should be an adage that says, “Don’t let waste go to waste!”
My analogy is simple: our sufferings are like fertilizer. We can either throw them away or use them as nutrients in our garden, which is our soul.
In the soul’s garden of growth, suffering is an unavoidable part of the process (due to the reality of living in a fallen world). Like fertilizer, suffering has the capacity to boost our growth when in the right hands. Suffering may not contain the necessary nutrients to do this on its own but, in the hands of a Holy Gardener, it becomes infused with life-giving powers that catalyze your spiritual growth.
If we “waste” our sufferings by avoiding and resisting them tooth-and-nail, we are often led down a path of shame, fear, and resentment. But by allowing Christ to use suffering in the soil of our souls, we are led down a path of waiting, growing, and, finally, blossoming. On that day, you will be His fruitful branch, His beauty and glory, His honor and splendor. It comes down to building a practice of approaching your sufferings openly and offering them to God instead of, understandably, running in the opposite direction.
How to Use Suffering as Fertilizer
Use gratitude to simplify your desires
The benefits of having a habitual practice of gratitude has been shown to help manage pain and adversity and increase happiness, internal focus, and strength. Gratitude is not bound by time, so you can be grateful for things in your past, present, and/or future. Focusing on gratitude helps you not indulge in feelings of resentment or fear––which can amplify feelings of heaviness and focus our minds on the suffering. With the practice of gratitude comes a deepening of our capacity to simultaneously acknowledge that our sufferings are difficult but oftentimes essential for our growth; this allows us to foster gratefulness for the process. Practically speaking, a gratitude practice could look like keeping a list or log of things you’re grateful for, journaling, or offering thanks in conversation or prayer.
Be patient with the process
Granted, this is often easier said than done since we live in a world characterized by fast-paced living and instant gratification. But, again, these suggestions are practices––habits meant to be built up over time. Since your free will allows you to participate in the gardening process, planting virtues such as patience can only benefit you. Your soul is invested in a journey that, I pray, grants you eternity in Heaven with God; thus, your growth and your holiness require your patient commitment to cultivation. While it's difficult to be patient during a painful process, we can cultivate virtue by trusting that the Lord can bring good out of this suffering, even if it takes longer than we like. Practicing patience often looks like counting to ten, taking breaths before responding, or slowing down on purpose, the fruits of which are explored in the story The Hare and the Tortoise.
Don’t let your sufferings go to waste
In times of suffering in my own life, I used to grumble in prayer, “This had better be for a good reason…” Now I try to say, “I know this is for a good reason. Let’s use it.” This is not an easy practice. It requires shifting your heart-attitude from resenting the sufferings in your life to trusting that they will expedite your growth. It’s an important reminder that God isn’t making you suffer but He can use your suffering and that all suffering can be used as offering. Offering your suffering to God doesn’t invalidate what you’re feeling, rather it gives your suffering a purpose. It’s easy to bring good out of good, but only God can bring good out of bad. Staying true to our analogy, only God can infuse life-giving nutrients into your suffering that will aid in your growth and healing. The practice of making offerings of your suffering could look like repeating often, “Jesus, I trust in You” or keeping a list of intentions and people you offer your sufferings for.
Ultimately, one of the joys of Catholicism is that suffering can be redemptive, meaning that, despite the pain suffering brings, it can be used for transformative good––because of this, the opportunities to cultivate the garden of your soul are endless. In His sufferings on the Cross, Jesus leans into your sufferings and accepts them as His own. He chooses to walk with you, through pain and joy, your whole life long. As the ultimate Gardener, He is capable of using your sufferings to help you fertilize the garden of your soul. And, should you let it, your soul will bear fruit.