Practical Lessons and Advice From The Newborn Bubble
Here we are, two and a half weeks in, and my have I been learning so much! Not like I’m necessarily in a position to give advice yet, but I did want to share some things I’ve learned so that I don’t forget them. And in true Carolyn fashion, they’re pretty practical. Spiritual insights to come, lol.
Things I Would Definitely Bring To The Hospital
A WATER BOTTLE - Holy cow, I owe my cousin big time with this. It was a last minute gift and decision to bring a water bottle, and I don’t know if it was the fluids from my c-section, stress, breastfeeding, or all of it, but I guzzled gallons while recovering. I think I would have gone insane if all I had was a cup for Peter to constantly refill for me.
AN EYE MASK - Equally as important and deserving of the caps, I’m a huge fan of my eye mask. I swear by it on plane trips and vacations, but in the hospital there were several times where we fell asleep and I didn’t want to bother Peter to get up and turn off a light or struggle out of bed to do it myself. Plus, there’s always an emergency light on in the room, and I’m sensitive to light when I sleep, so this was hugely helpful for me.
A nightgown - I asked Instagram and responses were super mixed on whether or not to pack a nightgown. Some said to just wear the hospital gown to avoid the laundry when you get home, but my gown drove me nuts constantly having to clip all the clips and unclip all the clips when breastfeeding, and the wrap kept getting tangled up around me. Next time I’ll bring my nightgown, but see my next note below!
Things I Didn’t Realize I needed
For the most part, my sister helped me really figure out what I would need those first few weeks, but there were a few things I ended up buying while in the hospital or in the first few days at home.
More nightgowns - Ok, I didn’t actually buy them, but if I were you I would. Breastfeeding is MESSY. More on that below. I would shoot to have 3-5 nightgowns on hand—or just comfy pajamas in general. Because of my incision, I didn’t want pajama shorts.
High waisted cotton underwear - I guess this is mostly for c-section moms, but I assumed my incision would be much higher than where it is, so I thought my low rise underwear would sit comfortably below it. Wrong! I ordered a pack of BREATHABLE cotton Granny underwear and would really recommend it.
Cotton nighttime bras - I had NO idea how messy breastfeeding is, at least early on, and each night I would completely drench my nightgown and Johnny. Within a few days I stopped wearing nightgowns honestly and just went to bed in my underwear and comfortable bras. Don’t worry about getting supportive bras, we’re looking at straight up comfort here and something to just help you not leak everywhere.
Haakaa - Thankfully my sister told me about this, otherwise I never would have known such a thing existed. I collected a TON of milk my first few days with this, because it came in fast and it came in harrrrd, though I think I also may have struggled with overproducing because of it. Either way, if you’re producing a lot of milk or struggling with let down on one side while you nurse the other, this thing really helped me the first few days and helped create my first little frozen stash of milk!
Mother Love Nipple Butter - There’s other types of this, but this is what my lactation consultant in the hospital recommended because it didn’t just soothe sore nipples but it helps to heal them with just five ingredients. I have no experience with any other type, but I think this helped!
Nipple shields - Ok, we’re getting real personal now! I had no idea this thing existed either, and that many women use it to either alleviate sore nipples or help baby latch. I think because Johnny was so little, and because my nipples have always been on the flat side, I have to use this thing to nurse. I’ll be blunt: I HATE IT. With a passion. It takes two hands to apply, can pop off easily, contributes to the mess, but if it’s what I need to get my boy to breastfeed, of course I’m all in. I’m really praying eventually we don’t need it! But maybe put this in the back of your mind if you also have flat nipples or even if you just like to be overly prepared and think you may have some latch issues.
Things I Didn’t Expect
Apparently, with premies or some newborns, you have to wake them to feed them! So I was surprised when people asked me how Johnny was sleeping and the first week I shared how he slept literally all the time, and I hated having to wake him and pester him to keep him awake during feedings. Peter and I both were expecting utter hell to hit on Night One, but so far our nights haven’t been too terrible! It was a nice little surprise that there may be a bit of an easing into the grueling night shifts that we weren’t expecting.
Breastfeeding didn’t come too naturally for me. I was surprised that breastfeeding feels like such a big production while we learn from each other. The first week, I need my nipple shield, burp cloth (again, MESSY!), nipple butter, water bottle and snack, haakaa and pillow every single time I nursed. It’s gotten a bit easier and more intuitive, but it takes time. I also have to still watch him for the most part while I nurse to make sure he’s on there and not guzzling too quickly and that his nostrils have some airway, etc. I can’t wait and pray for the day when I can just pop him on and off. :)
Sustaining excitement is hard. I forgot about this lesson I learned in the days leading up to my wedding, how fatigued I got trying to meet everyone’s excitement and joy when really, I was stressed and exhausted and in pain as I recovered. Just be easy on yourself!
Lower expectations. I can’t remember if I wrote this before, but it’s been such a breakthrough for me during my pregnancy. I realized how HIGH my expectations are on myself, on Peter, on our marriage, etc, and that this has been such a huge factor when it comes to my anxieties. Like, why am I trying to accomplish the world every other day? Why do I expect Peter to do xyz? It dawned on me that a simple mind shift could and did make all the difference. There’s nothing wrong with LOWERING expectations in a big way. My first two weeks, I set one simple goal each day: shower. Wear day clothes. Do one load of laundry. Oftentimes, I did more than that, and it boosted my emotions. Ask yourself if you’ve set your expectations too high and consider lowering them.
The pain, or lack of. I know every single pregnancy and delivery and recovery are different, but I was really shocked at the unexpected pain…and lack of it. I thought my incision would be way more painful, and don’t get me wrong, that first week was pretty rough on my abdominal muscles. But in a way, the unexpected pains were much harder. I was NOT prepared for the killer shoulder, neck, and back pain from suddenly losing your belly, a chest that triples in size over night, and breastfeeding postures. The gas pains were pretty miserable, but by far those first few days of breastfeeding were extremely painful. Again, some women’s nipples take weeks to heal, mine took just a few days, thank God. But I just had no idea these unexpected pains would almost overshadow “delivery” pain.
Lastly, I almost think not working during maternity leave is harder on my day-to-day than having a newborn. As in, the lack of structure and daily/weekly rhythm really has me at a loss. I’m not sure what to get into, when to do it and how. But again, I’ve lowered my expectations. I’m not expecting any kind of schedule for the indefinite future honestly. The first few weeks were focused on recovery, then the next were adjusting to Peter returning to work and my maternity leave, then it will be trying to figure out my hybrid work situation, and goodness knows as soon as I feel like we have something going, I’m sure the good Lord will surprise us with another little one (that’s the prayer, anyway!). I hope to establish some kind of little rhythm, even if these last only a week at a time, like morning Mass and afternoon walks. Time will tell!